Saturday, July 23, 2011

It occurred to me tonight that I haven't really posted that many of my art journal pages here. It's rather odd, because I'm so used to posting them in other places, but not here. Well regardless, I've been bitten by the art journal bug and I'm loving it. It's really helping me lately with stuff in my life that I just need to express in one way or another. I've never been one to write stuff in a journal. Oh I did as a kid, and kept it up for about a week each time, but that's it.

No, as an adult, working out emotion has never been about putting pen to paper. But boy does putting brush to paper work for me. I'm learning a lot, and many of my pages look like a hot mess, but they are mine. And they are art. And I never in a million years thought that I would ever create art without an undo button, but here it is. I now have three journals on the go. One smash-like journal for actual writing, scribbling, notes, etc. And two art journals where I'm using acrylic, watercolour paints and anything else that I can glue down. And it feels good. Real good.

See the last few weeks have been hard. After over six years of unexplained illness and pain, and beginning to even question if I was going a little crazy or becoming a hypochondriac, I was finally diagnosed with fibromyalgia by my rheumatologist. All these crazy weak spells and pains, injuries that I've been experiencing, which I thought might be mostly from a thyroid problem, well....they are from my fibro. Including my brain fog, which probably concerned me the most, because I've always been known as someone who is fairly articulate, and to have trouble finding the words for the last few years, I began to think I was losing my mind.

Nice to finally have a diagnosis. But not so nice knowing that there isn't a cure. It's a life long thing now, and one I have to get used to living with. I can adjust so that I won't have as many flair ups. But it's here. Permanently. Hence the frustration and anxiety that needed a voice, one I found I could express in an art journal. My pages might not show the anxiety and frustration. I don't know that I'm ready to put that out on paper yet but the act of putting paint on paper and "getting through the uglies" to produce something that I love, something I'm proud of, well that's been very therapeutic. And I'm only getting started.

So I hope you enjoy my pages. I'd love some feedback if you have any to give. Constructive criticism is always appreciated. I teach. I have a thick skin, so give it to me. I want to grow in this art form, so I'd love to hear your opinions. And thanks for reading and staying with me.

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